This is my third year running this blog, and while I’ve had a lot of fun talking about movies and games, I’ve failed to really talk about myself in any meaningful way. This is mostly do to a lot of mental and emotional hangups I have that cause me to assume that no one really cares about what I have to say, and thus I kind of stop trying to say anything at all. If you fallow me on twitter, this is why most of my tweets are just retweets of other people. In fact, every review I write is hard for me as I have to get over the idea that no one wants to read what I have to say and just tell myself “this is for me, not them. I want to write this so I’m going to”.
But today I’m making an attempt to get over this and try to become a more personally engaging critic or whatever it is you can call me. So here goes nothing…..Today is my 24th birthday….
And I feel like a failure. In fact, just knowing this day was coming has had me in a state of depression as it always does, but this time it’s been so much worse than normal. Part of that is due to feeling like I haven’t accomplished anything in my life so far. I mean for Christ sake, I’m 24 and I’ve just started to get an understanding of what I want to do with my life, I’m effectively in my second quarter of college and I’m still living with my family. It’s hard for me not too look at my surroundings and the situation I’m in and not think “i should just give up”. It would be so much easier to just quit school, get some shitty job and live out the rest of my life like a goddamn hermit.
Fortunately for me I’m either too goddamn stupid or too goddamn masochistic to do that. I’m staying where I’m at as long as it takes, and I’m getting where I want to go. So now I’m going to look at where I want to be heading this year, where I hope to be next year and what my over all plan is.
In terms of my personal life, I’m doing really well this quarter and I plan on keeping that up. I’m hoping to transfer after two years and majoring in Journalism and minoring in Film (in case the “game journalist” dream doesn’t pan out) but for right now I’m looking at things one quarter at a time. I am also hoping to move into my own place some time this year. I’m thinking something small, I’m not buying a house, but a two bedroom apartment and split the rent with someone. That’s the dream as of right now. Sometime this year I’m also planning on moving away from this blog to a more cohesive one. I want to take the lessons I’ve learned working on wordpress so far and use that to make the web page nicer looking and more cohesive. I also plan on doing a lot more editing, which my early work was sorely lacking (looking back at all the typos I’m kind of shocked anyone bothered to read my stuff in the first place).
As far as blog or professional stuff goes: I want to post something every day. Be it trailer impressions, reviews or editorials, I want to post something every day for the rest of the year. I was told I should aim to post 1000 words a day, but with school that’s going to be hard too do. Lets call that a “stretch goal”. I also want to go from 211 followers to 500. That means I want to more than double my current follower count, but I think I can do it if I really try. I would also like to do more video work, but i’ll need a much better computer for that. Hell, I tried to record some footage of Downwell to play over this and make this a video feature, but once I hit record the frame rate dropped to around 8FPS so, yeah, I’m going to need to upgrade my shitty laptop before I can work on that, and I have no idea when that’s going to be doable. Whatever, I like writing more anyways.
Also on the “professional” side of things, I want to get a piece of my writing liked or reblogged by either Laura Kate, Bob Chipman or Jim Sterling. I don’t care if that’s on facebook, twitter, tumblr whatever. But those three have been a major source of inspiration for me, so that would be a huge “i’m going in the right direction” moment for me.
And now the big one: I’d like to get some work published or become a contributor for Indie Haven. Long term goal is to get to work over at Destructoid, but I think Indie Haven would be a great start.
So, to recap my goals for this year are:
Make one new blog post everyday
get up too 500 followers
make a new, more focused blog/webpage.
Do more in depth/personal posts
Upgrade to PS4 or better PC
Get writing like/shared by one of my personal heroes.
get work published by a major (well, major to me) site.
Keep killing it at school
Hopefully by this time next year i’ll be on my way to not feeling like I’m wasting my life. And to those who read this, who’ve liked and commented on my work, thank you. It means more to me than you will ever realize. I know it may sound silly but to me that is validation that I’m not just wasting my time doing this.